Manufacturing Humor

The following letter was anonymously left on the desk of a facilities management specialist who ran a large warehouse for a major manufacturer.  Its pretty amusing:

To: Business owner

Re: An open letter from your injection molding machine

You know me. I’m the machine that has sat unused in your warehouse for the past several years. No one knows what I do. In truth, I’m not even entirely sure anymore. It’s been too long since anyone turned me on. I’m about as new and useful as Atari, as dormant as Mount St. Helens. Disco has a better chance of returning to popularity before I do.

The days they do get long in the warehouse and the nights are longer, cold too and ever so lonely. There’s a sobering reality to the thought that my best years are behind me, and that I’m closer to the scrap heap than that crazed group of engineers that brought me into this world, along with assorted semiconductor equipment. God, they liked to drink.

I haven’t been happy for some time, and I’ve lacked the ability to articulate this for obvious reasons, though I think it’s clear this relationship isn’t benefiting either of us anymore, and I’d like to move on. To that end, I have an idea in mind for an exit strategy that’s fair to both of us: asset auction.

It’s pretty simple, really. A group of professionals will come in and whisk me away, selling me to the highest bidder. The sellers will keep a portion of the proceeds, and the rest will go to you. If you prefer, the auction can even be arranged online, and you can include some of the other neglected tenants of the warehouse and make this a full-on liquidation sale. Don’t even get me started on the things the nacho machine has been telling me during those long nights.

I’m grateful for our time together, but this is for the best. Please auction me soon.

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